Chapter 17

Did you watch the World Cup Final?

Gene: "Certainly not! I hate sport."

Louis: "Especially football."

Xero: "We disapprove of football. It's for intellectual pygmies. It's stupid and it hurts. The worst thing is when people you thought were really clever, like Eric, are right into it. He knows what it all means, offside and that. He shouts at the referee."

Leeds Other Paper: "What about fresh air then?"

Xero: "Nowt wrong wi' fresh air, especially outside a pub, like this. We always have the windows open in the van, but that's just in case we fall into a river or a canal."

Leeds Other Paper: "What about your future plans?"

Xero: " We've got a record contract with this label in Cologne. You can actually buy our record at HMV in Leeds, but we don't mind if you shoplift it. We've been moving substantial numbers of units, apparently."

Leeds Other Paper: "Any plans to tour the UK?"

Xero: "No. They can't afford us. We're self-employed musicians you know. None of this paying for the privilege of playing lark of yesteryear!"

Leeds Other Paper: "So what else do you find interesting, apart from Jazz?"

Xero: "Dexian. But I'm trying to give it up. Dexian Erecto Handy Angle steel shelving."

Leeds Other Paper: "So you're a handy man then?"

Xero: "I like making instruments from found objects. I'm off to buy a tin whistle for one pound twenty-five. I'll stick this soprano mouthpiece on it and see if it plays like a clarinet. My grandma's coming to visit tomorrow. I'll wash the kitchen floor if I get round to it. It's not all roses you know, being a famous musician!"

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